Sugarless Survivor

The 20th season of Survivor kicked off last night, and I tuned in, out of much duty as anything else. I haven't watched all the seasons of the show, but more than fifteen of them, and I've enjoyed most of them--it appeals to my love of a narrative where you start with a certain number of characters and then they get picked off, one by one. That probably started with reading Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None as a child. The only difference is that Survivor contestants don't die bizarre deaths.

This season is yet another one where they have returning cast members, in a "Heroes vs. Villains" format. The heroes are those who were popular among fans, and played with some kind of integrity, while the Villains, also popular, but in a different way, have become famous for their scheming, backstabbing, and at times socially abhorrent personalities. Some of these contestants, like Anne Hathway-look-alike Amanda, and the buff Colby, are back for their third go-round on the show, while a few are just filler (who is Danielle?).

As I said, I tuned it because I felt I needed to, and as the cast was deposited on the beach by military helicopters (why not to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries?") I was both appalled and amused by the self-imposed sense of importance this show gives itself. But then, as the two teams stood side-by-side, I thought of the great Marvel Comics limited series, Secret Wars, which had some kind of deity putting the greatest superheroes and the evillest supervillains on a distant planet to let them duke it out. Seen this way, I think the show will be entertaining, and the first show gave a glimpse of the most awful, wonderful "showmance" possible: Coach and Jerri.

I was also looking forward to seeing Sugar again. Jessica Kiper is her real name, but she's known to the world as Sugar (no doubt a nickname inspired by Marilyn Monroe's character in Some Like it Hot, Sugar Kane) and she was on the Survivor: China show, where she managed to make it to the final three, all the while crying and getting sent to Exile Island. She describes her profession as "retro pinup model," which I doubt pays her a living wage, but is great anyway, as she seeks to relive the days of Alberto Vargas, Bettie Page, and of course, Miss Monroe. As I watched the season that year I was aware that if knew Sugar, and especially if I played the game with her, I would have fallen for her like a ton of coconuts. She's just my type--needy, emotionally vulnerable, and with a kitschy wardrobe.

This season Sugar was back, wearing pumps on the beach. During the first challenge her bra was pulled off, and she ran down the sand, her assets pixeled out but flying gloriously free. Topless, she flipped off the Villains team with both barrels, and my love was reaffirmed. But then, as the show wore on, it became clear that it was a mistake for her to return to this game. Sugar does not belong in the jungle, she belongs in a bachelor pad, wearing leopard-print undies, listening to Esquivel, and sipping a tall, cool tropical cocktail. Her heart didn't seem in it, and she seemed more concerned with hooking up with Colby, who wasn't interested. They voted her out first, and she seemed to be relieved.

So the show will go on without her. There's still Amanda to look at--she may be my second-favorite player ever, a girl-next-door type that got to the finals twice but blew it by being incoherent and insincere in the final question-and-answer portions of the jury vote. I can only hope that pint-size Russell, Boston Rob, or Coach don't win. In the meantime, I'm given an excuse for running this picture of Sugar.