The Animal

As far as I'm concerned, if Rob Schneider were to board a rocket ship to the sun, it would be a benefit to cinema. While I was working at a movie theater I saw of enough of Deuce Bigalow 2 to be inspired to murder all responsible. But I kind of wanted to see The Animal, his film from 2001, because of Colleen Haskell.

Haskell was perhaps the cutest contestant to ever appear on Survivor. She was on the first, and still best, season, and I can still her on the beach in her pink bikini. I don't know who thought she could be an actress, because she can't really act, but her appearance in The Animal is not a complete embarrassment. I am not surprised, though, that she has never made another movie.

Given all that, I was surprised that The Animal was not a complete atrocity. It's not good, but I did smile a few times. It was produced by Adam Sandler's Happy Madison company, so you know what you're going to get--I doubt Happy Madison will ever make an adaptation of a Trollope novel.

Schneider, who co-wrote the screenplay, plays a hapless fellow who wants to be a policeman. After surviving a car wreck he's rescued by a mad doctor who stitches him back together with animal parts. This means that he acts like various animals, mostly a dog, horse, seal and monkey. He also has the impulses of animals, so he gets freaky around meat and a goat in heat.

Schneider is an okay physical comedian, but he's no Buster Keaton. One gets the sense that this is something that Sandler passed on. He appears in an unfunny cameo, but I liked Norm McDonald's cameo. Edward Asner, as a police captain, seems pained, and has a look on his face that seems to ask, "Do I really need the money?"