The Simpsons Top Ten Episodes

As a birthday gift I received a doorstop of a book called Simpsons World, which is a detailed episode guide of The Simpsons first 20 seasons. It put the bee in my bonnet that I should leaf through it and figure out my favorite episodes. Initially I thought top five, but that would have been impossible to narrow down, so I settled for top ten. Even that will be tough, as my first list contained 22 episodes. As of  today, The Simpsons has aired 552 episodes, so this is a 1-in-55 endeavor.

First thing I noticed is that this list is early-season-heavy. I stopped watching The Simpsons regularly some time ago, and realized when I hit Season 9 that I was starting not to recognize episodes; the latest one on my list is Season 6. Also, my favorites are Homer-centric, with only one Marge-centric and no Lisa-centric. I suppose that is because of testosterone, but also because the Lisa/Marge episodes tend to be more sentimental, which is nothing to be ashamed of, but I like the ones that are more vicious. Thirdly, it is evident that my favorite non-core character is Krusty the Clown, as he plays a major role in three of my top ten.

Now, in descending but almost random order:

10: "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" Season 2. Airdate: 1/24/91. Writer: Nell Scovell. Director: Wesley M. Archer.

After eating poisonous blowfish, Homer is told he has 24 hours to live, so makes a list of things to do before he dies. The best part of this episode has Homer frantically trying to get everything done, but there are numerous gems, such as Dr. Hibbert giving him a pamphlet titled "So You're Going to Die," or Homer's video for Maggie, in which he says, "I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave" and makes spooky sounds, or his final words to Bart: "I like your sheets." Or Homer's three sentences that gets you through life: "One: Cover for me. Two: Oh, good idea, boss. Three: It was like that when I got here." The episode ends with Homer listening to the Bible on tape, read by Larry King. Of course he doesn't die, and swears he's going to make the most of his life. Cut to him watching bowling on television, eating pork rinds.

9, "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" Season 5. Airdate: 9/30/93. Writer: Jeff Martin. Director: Mark Kirkland.

This one is on the list because of my love for The Beatles, as it's a parody of the Beatles' story, with a barbershop quartet called The Be Sharps. For Beatle fans, there's so much to love here. It is a flashback story, set in 1985: "It all happened during that magical summer of of 1985. A maturing Joe Piscopo left Saturday Night Live to conquer Hollywood; People Express introduced a generation of hicks to plane travel; and I was in a barbershop quartet." He's in with Principal Skinner, Apu, and Chief Wiggum, but Wiggum is kicked out and replaced by Barney, who has a beautiful tenor voice. But he meets a Yoko-like figure, which causes friction. They have a number one hit ("Baby on Board"), win a Grammy (presented by David Crosby) but break up, only to have a rooftop concert on the top of Moe's Bar. George Harrison drives by and says, "It's been done."

8. "Home the Great" Season 6. Airdate: 1/8/95. Writer: John Schwartzwelder. Director: Jim Reardon.

Homer desperately wants to join The Stonecutters, a thinly-veiled copy of the Masons. He is haunted by being excluded from clubs, flashing back to the "No Homers" club (they can have one Homer, the name of the club indicates no more than one Homer). Because Grandpa is a Stonecutter, Homer gets to join, but soon destroys their sacred parchment in the most disgusting way possible. He is kicked out, forced to strip naked (when his underwear goes up in flames, ghastly spirits are released) and drag the "Stone of Shame." This reveals a birthmark indicating he is the "Chosen One," and is proclaimed leader. I loved a lot of this episode, including the Stonecutters song, which reveal their powers, such as holding back the electric car, making Steve Guttenberg a star, and rigging every Oscar night. Things we learn: Grandpa is president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance, and Homer has a long revenge list, including fat-free lard, gravity, Billy Crystal, and God. There are also monkeys dressed as Civil War re-enactors.

7. "Flaming Moe's" Season 3. Airdate: 11/21/91. Writer: Robert Cohn. Director: Rich Moore and Alan Smart.

Homer invents a delicious cocktail that Moe steals as his own, and Homer vows revenge. Moe is probably only second to Krusty as my favorite supporting character, and this one is his best episode. In the middle of the episode a Cheers parody erupts, and Bart's prank calls takes a bizarre turn when the name he asks for, Hugh Jass, turns out to be the name of an actual patron. Bart says, "I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now." Hugh replies, "All right. Better luck next time." I think my favorite part is when Homer, furious at Moe, hears his name and sees his face wherever he goes, including even imagining Maggie saying it. Also, when Marge suggests that Homer simply be happy making other people happy, he responds: "Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happyland in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane. Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic." Marge responds, "Well, duh."

6. "Homie the Clown" Season 6. Airdate: 2/12/95. Writer: John Schwartzwelder. Director: David Silverman.

Krusty opens a Clown school to train franchise Krustys, and Homer signs up. This finally makes reference to the fact that Krusty was drawn exactly like Homer, except with clown makeup. This one is the most recent episode on my list, but it's pure comedy gold, and has a lot of great Krusty stuff, such as him lighting a cigarette with Superman's debut comic book, or his funny city names: "Walla Walla, Keokuk, Cucamonga, Seattle," or, after flush with cash, he bets it all against the Harlem Globetrotters: "I thought the Generals were due!" Homer, as a clown, has some priceless moments, such as when he appears at the opening of a Krusty Burger and nearly beats the Hamburglar character to death. There's also a great moment when he co-hosts the Cable Ace Awards with Dick Cavett, and can't shake him. Cavett finally says, "I know Woody Allen!" I think the biggest laugh, and one of my favorite Krusty lines, is when Homer rides a tiny bicycle, but his pants get caught in the gears and get ripped off, so he is perched on the seat naked. Krusty, after a beat, says "Burn that seat."

5. "Homer the Heretic" Season 4. Airdate: 10/8/92. Writer: George Meyer. Director: Jim Reardon.

Homer decides to stop going to church, and has the greatest Sunday ever, but has a change of heart when he is saved by people of all faiths. I have a fondness for this episode, because as an atheist, I feel it gives nonbelievers a certain amount of respect, even if Homer does repent and go back to church in the end. The centerpiece is his perfect Sunday, when it's freezing outside but he sleeps in, cozy in his blankets. Then he makes his famous Moon waffles, which he wraps around an entire stick of butter. The gags about religion are terrific, such as finding out Moe's faith: "I was born a snaked handler, and I'll die a snake handler," or when Homer visits Apu and finds an altar to Ganesh, to which Homer offers a peanut. "Please do not offer my god a peanut." I also laugh every time at Ned and his sons trying to talk sense to Homer, and when they come across him on the road the boys say, "Daddy, the heathen is getting away!"

4. "A Streetcar Named Marge" Season 4. Airdate: 10/1/92. Writer: Jeff Martin Director: Rich Moore.

The episode for theater geeks, in which Marge takes the role of Blanche in "Oh! Streetcar!" the musical version of Streetcar Named Desire. If that weren't enough, there's the classic Any Rand School for Tots, and The Great Escape-inspired scene in which Maggie and the other babies plot to retrieve their confiscated pacifiers. Some great lines, like Lisa saying: "My mother the actress. I feel just like Lucie Arnaz-Luckinbill," Jon Lovitz is the guest voice of director Llewelyn Sinclair, and he uses his familiar "Actor!" voice to great effect. Anyone who knows and loves Streetcar can't help but laugh themselves silly at this one.

3. "Kamp Krusty" Season 4. Airdate 9/24/92. Writer: David M. Stern. Director: Mark Kirkland.

As you may have noticed, numbers 3-5 aired consecutively, certainly the best three-episode run in the show's history. In this one, Bart and Lisa are sent to camp, one that bears the endorsement of Krusty the Clown. But it turns out to be a horror. Here is Lisa's letter home: "Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear Hell, because I have been to Kamp Krusty. Our nature hikes have become grim death marches. Our arts and crafts center is, in actuality, a Dickensian workhouse." Bart remains confident that, as promised, Krusty will appear, but after a poor substitute (Barney) shows up, Bart leads a revolt. "I've been scorched by Krusty before. I got a rapid heartbeat from his Krusty brand vitamins, my Krusty Kalculator didn't have a seven or an eight, and Krusty's autobiography was self-serving, with many glaring omissions. But this time, he's gone too far!" Krusty makes it up to the kids by taking them to Tijuana.

2. "Homer at the Bat" Season 3. Airdate 2/20/92. Writer: John Schwartzwelder. Director: Jim Reardon.

I haven't mentioned Mr. Burns yet, who is in a lot of great episodes, but this is my favorite. I don't usually favor the episodes that rely heavily on guest voices, but this is terrific. Burns tries to ensure that the nuclear plant's softball team wins a match game (a million-dollar bet is riding on it) by hiring ringers. First Burns asks Smithers to get Cap Anson, Honus Wagner, or "Three-Finger" Brown. Informed that they're dead, the team is stocked with living players. A good trivia question: name the team that is fielded. I remember it to this day without checking: Don Mattingly at first, Steve Sax at second, Ozzie Smith at short, Wade Boggs at third, Daryl Strawberry in right, Ken Griffey Jr. in center, Jose Canseco in left, Mike Scioscia behind the plate, and Roger Clemens on the mound. All of them, though, except for Strawberry, meet with some misadventure (the best--Boggs and Barney getting into a barroom brawl arguing over the greatest British prime minister). Eventually, though, Burns sends in Homer to pinch-hit for Strawberry (who has hit nine homers) because of a righty-lefty match-up. Homer wins the game by being beaned.

1. "Three Men and a Comic Book"  Season 2. Airdate 5/9/91. Writer: Jeff Martin. Director: Wes M. Archer.

Here it is, my favorite, a Bart-centric episode that has he, Milhous, and Martin pooling their money to buy Radioactive Man #1 (Milhouse wanted to buy a baseball card of Carl Yastrzemski with sideburns). Once accomplished, they don't trust each other with the book, so go the Bart's treehouse, where a Treasure of the Sierra Madre scenario is played out. Some highlights: Bart tells Lisa that Casper is the ghost of Richie Rich. Lisa agrees they look alike, and speculates on his death: "Perhaps he realized how hollow the pursuit of money is and took his own life." Bart, trying to earn money, works for any old lady (Cloris Leachman). Lots of nuggets, including the lady offering Bart those old lady ribbon candies, insisting "Boys love candy!" Or, with the boys in the treehouse during a storm, Marge asks Homer to check on them. Lightning illuminates the three of them at each other's throats, but he tells her, "They're fine."