Ariana Grande

Once again I'm delving into the world of teen culture. In my position as a potential high school teacher, I look at these trips as attempts to get to know my kids and what they like, but I must admit it makes my grumpy old man meter dance.

Today's object of inspection is Ariana Grande, the 21-year-old sprite who seems to be everywhere these days. My interest in her is obvious, and it's not for her musical talent. She's a mere slip of a girl with an I-Dream-of-Jeannie hairdo (those are extensions, I've read) who looks like every IAP (Italian-American Princess) I went to high school with and didn't give me the time of day.

Miss Grande seems to be continuing in the grand (no pun intended) tradition of diva behavior. Reports are that she has demanded she only be photographed from the left, and that she made all the guests leave a New York City hotel before she performed there. She was also caught wishing death to her fans, so she doesn't understand economics. But I suppose if I were 21 and put in this kind of situation I'd be saying some bizarre things, too.

Grande was (is?) an actress on a Nickelodeon show called Sam & Kat. This was a spin-off of a show called Victorious. I have not seen either show, so can't testify to her acting ability. Let me take a hunch and say she will never play Ophelia.

So what about the music? Well, I may trumpet the superiority of '60s and '70s rock and roll, but we had our turkeys (just listen to "The Night Chicago Died" or "Kung Fu Fighting" if you want proof). But I'm not sure there was a pattern of lowest-common denominator dreck as there is these days with these female singers. Grande seems to have a nice voice, if it hasn't been modulated, and she hits the high notes with aplomb. But her voice is completely without distinction. The great female vocalists could be identified immediately--you don't mistake Janis Joplin, Stevie Nicks, Chrissie Hynde, or Patti Smith for someone else. But the young women who are at the top now, like Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, or Grande, sound like they've come out of a blender.

Grande's songs are also completely without distinction. They sound as if written by computer program. I've watched pretty much all her videos, and the only song that any spark was "Problem," which has a nice beat, but it is ruined by Iggy Azalea's presence. That seems to be a trend now--a nice, if generic, song is punched up by someone rapping, which is like taking a dump on the song.

I'm just now listening to the songs on her new album, Yours Truly, and I haven't been moved to listen to one all the way through. The one I'm listening to now, "Daydreamin'," is the best of a bad lot. They are overproduced and completely uninteresting.

If I were a teenager today I would probably despair, being the one or two kids who actually listen to rock. I was heartened to day to hear a high school kid mention of his guitar playing that he's not as good as Jimi Hendrix. Yes! Hendrix lives on.