Pop-Tarts Are Crack

I read somewhere that anyone who calls anything as addictive as crack has never actually had crack. Fair enough, but for me, Pop-Tarts are my crack. I'm not surprised to read that they are Kellogg's best-selling product. They date back to the early '60s, as do I, but the flavors have expanded into a phantasmagorical potpourri. Strawberry, blueberry and cherry have been joined by delights such as blueberry muffin, chocolate chip cookie dough, and vanilla milk shake. It's a good time to be alive for Pop-Tart lovers.

I've been eating Pop-Tarts as long as I can remember, and it's kind of stunning that I'm fifty years old and still love them. I don't drink Kool-Aid anymore, but walking down the cereal aisle at the store and coming the toaster pastry aisle is like being an alcoholic in a liquor store.

I could live on Pop-Tarts, and there have been times I have. Just the other day I bought a twelve-pack during my morning shopping excursion. By the time I went to bed the box was empty, having consumed them for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack. It wouldn't be so bad if I could limit myself to just one a day, but knowing they're in the house means every time I'm the slightest bit hungry I head toward them.

This wouldn't be a problem, and indeed wasn't a problem when I was a kid, except now I have health issues. My weight has fluctuated in extremes. When I was a teenager I could eat an entire pizza and not gain an ounce. When I graduated from high school I weighed 120 pounds, and was five-eleven. When I was forty-five, I was still five-eleven, but weighed twice that. I lost a lot of weight, getting as low as 180, but recently I've been eating terribly, throwing myself a pity party after losing my job. I've been eating ice cream like it was going to be discontinued and, of course, Pop-Tarts. My weight is now at 210.

I saw my doctor on Friday and he said my blood pressure was a bit high. Before prescribing medicine, he suggested I try to lower it by diet and exercise. I've been doing a lot of exercising--working at home has enabled me to take long walks and go swimming--but my diet has been atrocious. So I'm going to have to cut out the ice cream, the pizza and, sadly, the Pop-Tarts.

I should add that I enjoy eating them straight out of the box. They're really designed to be toasted, and they are good that way, but I like the convenience of being able to eat something immediately, without any preparation. And then I wash them down with a cold glass of milk. Oh, the rapture! Pop-Tarts, I will miss you.