Royal Baby Names

I can't think of any reason why anyone outside of England would give a shit about the royal family, especially Americans. We fought a war to be rid of these inbred people. But fascinated we are, where Meghan Markle, once a barely-known actress, is now a world-wide celebrity.

I have occasionally shown an interest, particularly with Princess Diana. She was my age and I felt badly for her, but I also admired how she pulled out of that horrible situation and raised her sons like normal kids (as much as she could). I watched that royal wedding, the only one I've seen, and I got up early to watch her funeral.

One thing that does interest me is what they name their kids. As a British history buff, I'm intrigued by what names get used and which don't--it's unlikely we'll ever have a King Richard again, even if he of the third name was falsely accused of murder--and of the expectations of these names. Of course, what the heirs to the throne get named are far different than what Prince Harry, who along with Markle just became parents to the seventh in line to the throne, do. It also doesn't seem to matter, as of the last four Kings of England, three of them did not use their given first names as rulers (Edward VII was named Albert, as was George VI, and Edward VIII was named David). Though we can assume that the next king will be called Charles III, don't count on it.

So when Harry (whose full name is Henry Charles Albert David) and his American, bi-racial wife had a baby, they pretty much had free reign. Speculation was that it would be Arthur, which is a terrible name for a baby, or James, or Alexander, all with long histories. But would the first royal baby with American blood be named something a bit more modern, more U.S.A.? I was hoping for something like that, such as Kevin, or Michael, or Jason, or Joshua. But no, it's Archie.

Archie is a veddy British name. It sounds like the best dart player at the local pub. It was the real name of Cary Grant (Archibald Leach), and is the 18th-most popular name in the U.K., but far less popular in America. The most famous Archies in the States are the comic-book character Archie Andrews, (whom I discovered on a visit to England almost thirty years ago is unknown there) who has been in high school for over 70 years, and the bigoted but soft-hearted Archie Bunker of All in the Family. Archibald means genuinely bold in German.

The baby's full name is Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor, and he will not be given a royal title. He only gets one middle name, unlike the three of most of the lot. Harrison may have been chosen because it means "son of Harry," but I like to think it's for George Harrison.

Archie will probably have a fine time growing up in the royal family. All the pressure will be on his cousin George, who will probably be King one day. People may even forget about him--can you name the kids of Anne, Andrew, or Edward, the siblings of Charles? The first girl of that generation was named Zara, for Pete's sake.