Horse Feathers

A few days ago I was watching MSNBC's Hardball and Chris Matthews showed a clip of Groucho Marx singing from the opening scene of the 1932 film Horse Feathers:

I don’t know what they have to say,

It makes no difference anyway --

Whatever it is, I’m against it!

No matter what it is or who commenced it,

I’m against it.

Your proposition may be good

But let’s have one thing understood --

Whatever it is, I’m against it!
And even when you’ve changed it or condensed it,
I’m against it.

Of course this ditty was seen as a parallel to the Republicans in Congress and their intransigence with almost every initiative from President Obama. Beyond that, though, it got me to dig out the DVD from the Marx Brothers Silver Screen Collection. In my book, this 1932 film is the second-best from the boys (eclipsed only by Duck Soup) and I watched it for the umpteenth time.

That opening scene features Groucho as Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff, who has just been named the new president of Huxley College. His son is played by brother Zeppo, who is student who is only interested in the "college widow," played by Thelma Todd. He's also on the football team, and urges his father to hire two ringers to join the team. Of course he hires the wrong players, namely Harpo and Chico.

Many comedians of the day made campus films. Harold Lloyd made The Freshman, Buster Keaton College, and later Laurel and Hardy would make A Chump at Oxford. Of course the Marx Brothers were different from most screen clowns of the day, as they did not come out of silent films, but instead Vaudeville. Therefore they were far more dexterous when it came to language. Consider this priceless exchange, when Chico is manning the door at a speakeasy and wants Groucho to give the password:

Chico: [through speakeasy’s door] Who are you?

Groucho: I’m fine, thanks, who are you?

Chico: I’m fine too, but you can’t come in unless you give the password.

Groucho: Well, what is the password?
Chico: Aw, no. You gotta tell me. Hey, I tell what I do. I give you three guesses. It’s the name of a fish.

Groucho: Is it Mary?
Chico: Ha-ha. That’s-a no fish.
Groucho: She isn’t? Well, she drinks like one. Let me see: Is it sturgeon?

Chico: Hey, you crazy. Sturgeon, he’s a doctor cuts you open when-a you sick. Now I give you one more chance.

Groucho: I got it. Haddock.

Chico: That’s-a funny. I gotta haddock, too.

Groucho: What do you take for a haddock?

Chico: Well-a, sometimes I take-a aspirin, sometimes I take-a Calamel.

Groucho: Say, I’d walk a mile for a Calamel.

Chico: You mean chocolate calamel. I like that too, but you no guess it. Hey, what’s-a matter, you no understand English? You can’t come in here unless you say, “Swordfish.” Now I’ll give you one more guess.

Groucho: ...swordfish, swordfish… I think I got it. Is it “swordfish”?

Though there are machine-gun-like wordplay and puns in Horse Feathers, there is also some almost surreal visual humor. When Groucho tells Harpo that he'll learn he can't burn the candle at both ends, of course Harpo produces a candle out of his coat with burning wicks at both ends. And then there is the memorable scene set in Todd's apartment. It is a bedroom farce with all the brothers, plus the heavy, David Landau, coming in and out of doors. Whenever Groucho enters, he opens an umbrella and takes off his shoes, and Chico and Harpo continually, without explanation, carry blocks of ice across the room and drop them out of the window.

And of course there's music. In addition to Whatever It Is, I'm Against It, the ditty Everyone Says I Love You is heard repeatedly, with each brother taking a turn (Harpo whistles it to his horse, and then plays it on the harp). By the time Groucho sings it, it's gone from a pleasant love song to completely cynical:

Everyone says I love you
But just what they say it for I never knew
It's just inviting trouble for the poor sucker who
Says I love you.

The film ends with a masterpiece of comedy, an extended football game sequence that features all the brothers playing (Groucho is particularly memorable, wearing a helmet along with his swallow-tail coat and smoking a big cigar), with Chico calling the signals:

Hey diddle-diddle

The cat and the fiddle

This time I think we go through the middle.

The game ends with Harpo piloting a horse-drawn garbage wagon across the goal-line for the victory.

Watching this film again had me thinking about some interesting aspects of the Marx Brothers. Chico and Harpo always represented the bottom rung of society who mixed things up by creating general anarchy. Groucho always seemed to be in some sort of position of authority--here he was the president of the college, and in Duck Soup he is the ruler of the country--but he freely contributes to the anarchy. Unlike several other films, there's no Margaret Dumont here as the stuffed dowager, instead there are a gaggle of college professors to play the role of the out of touch upper class (when Groucho tells them he wants the dormitories torn down, he's asked where the students will sleep. "The students will sleep where they always have--in the classroom!")

One other interesting note: Todd, who co-starred in many comedies, died of carbon monoxide poisoning in her car when she was 29 years old, and it remains one of Hollywood's most interesting mysteries--Kenneth Anger surmised, despite no evidence, that she was murdered by Lucky Luciano.