You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger

Woody Allen begins his latest film, the charming souffle You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, with a juxtaposing pair of themes--the optimistic "When You Wish Upon a Star," and then the nihilistic quote from MacBeth--"a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, and signifying nothing." Allen's career is marked by the struggle between optimism and pessimism, with the latter usually winning out, and so it goes with his characters in this film.

Allen is back in London for this tale, which despite its fizzy overtones can be peeled back to reveal both a fear of death and, perhaps more frighteningly, a fear that one's life is being wasted. Gemma Jones is at her wit's end. Her husband (Anthony Hopkins), has left her after forty years of marriage. She tried to kill herself, and has seen an army of doctors, but she finds consolation in the counsel of a psychic (Pauline Collins). Her daughter, Naomi Watts, is pleased that she's happy, even if her mother sounds increasingly batty.

Watts is married to Josh Brolin, a novelist who has had only one success and is worried that he's a one-trick pony. He struggles to finish his latest book, but becomes distracted by the beautiful woman across the street, (Frieda Pinto) whom he spies on. Watts, meanwhile, becomes attracted to her boss, an art gallery owner (Antonio Banderas), who makes eyes at her while telling her how bad his marriage is.

Hopkins, trying to stave off the effects of age, has entered into a May-December marriage with Lucy Punch, an escort. We've seen many such age differences in Allen's work, and many of them are mind-bogglingly ridiculous, but this one he finally gets right. The two come together out of a basic need that avoids love--she for his wealth, he for her youthful sex appeal, but it becomes apparent to them both quickly what a mistake it is. The look on both of their faces as they realize what they've got themselves into is a primer on look before you leap.

The film is full of nice little moments like that. You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger is close in tone to his recent Vicky Cristina Barcelona, in that it has an unseen narrator (albeit this one is far less talky than Vicky's) and a kind of New Yorker short story vibe--those with PBS tote bags are the target audience. There are no belly laughs, but many smiles--Jones' increasing belief in the occult is a hoot, especially when she starts to believe in reincarnation (just a personal note--we can't all have been reincarnated--there are more people alive today than have ever died, just sayin'). Watts, one of my favorite performers working today, is marvelous as a brittle woman undone by the dyspepsia of her husband, and Brolin is equally up to the challenge, though I don't why his hair looks so blow-dried.

There are a few glitches in the production. I never did buy the Brolin-Pinto relationship. When he takes her to lunch and reveals that he's watched her undress through her window, she should have thrown her drink in his face and stormed off. I've never thought voyeurism was a legitimate seduction technique. And I'm sure William Carlos Williams rolled over in his grave when Brolin murders his "red wheelbarrow" poem by including a vulgar last line.

Most disturbingly, the film looks horrible. It's hard to believe Allen and Vilmos Zsigmond have teamed to make such a cheap looking film. But it can't just be a meager budget that has caused the camera to frequently be in the wrong place. And Allen, who usually knows how to use locations, makes London look like any city. The only landmark of note that we see is the Albert Bridge.

Still, I enjoyed the film and almost had a smile on my face. My grade for You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger: B