...And the Rest

John Delaney

There a few straggling candidates for president I haven't mentioned, either because they announced a a long time ago or are real long shots. They deserve their due, and some of them may be in the debates, so here goes.

John Delaney, a former congressman from Maryland, announced his candidacy a year and a half ago. He did not run for re-election to devote his time to his candidacy, which as far as I know has not gotten him any presence in the polls. This was either confidence or hubris. Which is too bad, because other than his resemblance to Tim Conway (and who could have taken that very funny man seriously?) he seems a decent candidate. Ontheissues.org rates him a libertarian-leaning liberal (I pretty much despise libertarians, though). He actually supports churches giving out free birth control. Might be a good sleeper VP pick.

Another good VP pick might be Steve Bullock, governor of Montana. I would have given him his own post, but I hadn't realized he had announced, which is not good news for him. If someone with my ear as closely pressed to the ground on this as I am, he really hasn't gotten his message out there. He is rated a moderate libertarian liberal, which seems like a contradiction. Not for me.

Probably the longest shot is Wayne Messam, the mayor of Miramar, Florida. Miramar actually has a higher population than South Bend, where Pete Buttigieg, media darling, is is mayor. But Messam has the least money of any of the 24 candidates, and is unlikely to make a debate. Perhaps this is a way to get his name out there for a senatorial or gubernatorial run.

The oldest candidate is Mike Gravel, who is currently 89 and makes Bide and Sanders look like snot-nose kids. This is kind of a Harold Stassen move for Gravel, an eternal candidate. He was elected senator of Alaska--in 1968! He was a stalwart anti-war candidate back then, and did liven up the 2008 race, but can he get on a debate stage?

The oddest candidate may be Marianne Williamson, who is an author of self-help books. She has no political experience, and given what we are going through now, that is not a plus. She is considered a moderate liberal. I can't imagine anyone voting for her. I read her Wikipedia entry and I still don't know what she writes about. Miracles, apparently, which is the stuff of crackpots.

Lastly is Andrew Yang, an entrepreneur and philanthropist who founded a non-profit, Venture for America. He is considered a hard-core liberal. He is on the bubble for the debate. Might be a good choice for cabinet or sub-cabinet position, but he's certainly not ready to be president.

Of course, my title for this entry comes from the original lyric to the theme of Gilligan's Island, when the Professor and Mary Ann were simply referred to as "and the rest." Later they got added to the song. Which made me think of desert islands, and the show Survivor. So, if the candidates were to play Survivor, who would win? Biden and Sanders, not to mention Gravel, would bow out early because they would drag their teams down during physical challenges. After the merge, Buttigieg, who might be the smartest guy out there and the youngest, would probably get voted out as a threat. Same for Warren, who is also too smart and would be a target.

I think the eventual winner might be Amy Klobuchar, who is all nice and squishy in public but apparently a mean motherfucker in private. She could probably smile at someone and back-stab them at the same time. Or maybe it would be one of the many largely anonymous congressmen running, who could lay low because no one knew who they were: Swalwell, Ryan, Moulton. My money is on Klobuchar, though.