My Fruitless Attempts To Get On A Game Show

The death of Regis Philbin this week, plus the ongoing story of the illness of Alex Trebek, has reminded me of my decades long struggle to get on a game show, namely the shows they hosted, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Jeopardy! I have not succeeded.

I am, by any stretch of the definition, a trivia expert. I have been since I was in school, and it was one of the ways I forged a friendship with Bob, who I've mentioned here before. He managed to get on both Jeopardy! and Who Wants To Be A  Millionaire, but I have been left out in the cold.

It's not for lack of trying. Back in the days before the Internet, I auditioned for Jeopardy! at least a half a dozen times, and always passed the test. But they must not have liked something about me. This was galling, as Jeopardy! is not known for having beautiful people on. They also don't always have gregarious contestants. I've seen some real cold fish on there.

As for Millionaire, in the Regis days you auditioned by phone, putting four things in order. I remember it was a real challenge to get through.  If you made it to the show they had a "Fastest Finger" contest, where about ten contestants had to put things in order (bodies of water, from largest to smallest say), but they did away with that when the show went to daytime. Meredith Vieira was then the host, and I auditioned several times, again passing every test they gave me (I think I failed one, but came back another day to pass). We auditioned in the ABC building near Lincoln Center. Sometimes the audition process involved watching a taping of the show.

After you passed the test, you would be interviewed by a production assistant, usually women who looked like they were about sixteen. It was a game in itself, trying to guess what they wanted. It was not a secret that they wanted diversity, so a middle-aged white man had to go an extra mile. They also wanted peppy, which I am not. So I tried to fake it. They probably saw through it.

But I did appear on the show. When my friend Bob got on he had me be his lifeline. The show was then taped in Las Vegas, where I live. The host was Chris Harrison, better known as the host of The Bachelor. Bob went on and won 32,000 dollars, and brought me on to help his answer a question: other than fish, what is the most popular pet? The choices were dogs, cats, lizards, and birds. Bob and I hashed it out and knew it was between dogs and cats. He used the lifeline which cuts the choices down to two, and of course they were dogs and cats. I suggested cats, because although there may be more dog owners, those who have cats tend to have more than one. But Bob didn't want to lose what he had earned and retired. The answer was cats.

Now that I am 59, I think my days of being on Jeopardy! (Millionaire is defunct now) are dimming. They still have audotions, although they are online. I've taken the test online a few times, but they don't tell you how many you got right, I just know that they haven't called me. I've lost a little over the years, like a pitcher losing some miles per hour on the fastball. It's too bad Jeopardy! doesn't have the Senior's Tournament anymore.

As for Regis Philbin, he holds the record for most hours on American TV, and was very easy to take. By all reports, he was as nice in real life as he appeared to be on screen. It's hard to remember how popular the show was when it first aired, five nights a week. With his co-hosting a morning show, he was ubiquitous, but I think people never really tired of him. He was the most frequent guest on David Letterman's show, and he tweeted that Regis was his favorite guest.