No Visible Bruises

No Visible Bruises, by Rachel Louise Snyder, is not an easy book to read, in fact it's downright disturbing. But it's an important book, and hopefully a wake up call for law enforcement, the court system, prisons, and other government agencies. More needs to be done about domestic violence.

For starters, Snyder doesn't like the term domestic violence (even though it's in the subtitle of her book). "In my view, although I use the term “domestic violence” in this book because it is the most commonly used reference for what I am investigating, a far more accurate term, and one that captures the particular psychological, emotional and physical dynamics, is “intimate partner terrorism.”"

Snyder starts off by hitting us with alarming statistics: 137 women are killed every day by domestic violence across the globe. This does not count men or children. "Between 2000 and 2006, 3,200 American soldiers were killed; during that same period, domestic homicide in the United States claimed 10,600 lives." "Nearly 90% of domestic violence homicide victims were both stalked and beaten in the year prior to their deaths."

That last quote indicates a theme running through the book--more must be done to prevent these acts of violence. Snyder talks to many involved, from cops to social workers to former abusers, now in prison, running workshops for abusers. "Danger assessments" have been created to score how likely a woman may be murdered. Cities, and even small towns, are devoting more time and money to the problem. Yet, just when things seem to be gaining ground, there is backsliding. Sometimes it's difficult to get judges to issue restraining orders, and of course, often these are violated. Now some men are wearing GPS ankle bracelets, so police know when they are near their partners' home.

Snyder devotes much of her book to a few crimes. Much of the first part of the book is about Michelle Mosure, a young mother of two who was murdered by her husband, who also killed their two children. Her parents (and his) are haunted by thinking about what they could have done. The husband, Rocky, was controlling, loved guns, and had a nasty streak.

This introduces the question, which is often heard in these cases, "why didn't she leave?" It's common, but the wrong question, Snyder insists. "They stay in abusive marriages because they understand something that most of us do not, something from the inside out, something that seems to defy logic: as dangerous as it is in their homes, it is almost always far more dangerous to leave." Many women have nowhere else to go, except a shelter, which they don't want. What many law enforcement officials see over and over again is a woman making an accusation and then recanting. "Michelle did not recant because she was a coward, or because she believed she had overreacted, or because she believed Rocky to be any less dangerous. She did not recant because she was crazy, or because she was a drama queen, or because any of this was anything less than a matter of life and death. She did not recant because she had lied. She recanted to stay alive. She recanted to keep her children alive."

Perhaps the most interesting part of the book was her section on the workshops held in prisons. Led by former abusers, it's like AA meetings, where men discuss their violent instincts. The leader of the group, Jimmy, was a pimp and abuser. Donte is training to become a workshop leader. Both of them will backslide, as Donte ends up back in prison because he takes a ride with a guy that has crack in his car (this violated his parole). Jimmy will disappear, reemerging to tell Snyder he went back to drugs, but is determined to kick them permanently.

What's heartening is that there are so many people who care. A policewoman from Cleveland, whose sister endured horrible abuse (her niece eventually killed her abusing father), is valiant in working with battered woman, visiting them at their homes, being brutally honest. But still the women will recant, returning to their abuser.

Most men, like myself, will read this and be aghast, as we would never consider such behavior. Many of these abusers were abused themselves, carrying on a disturbing legacy. For those of us who grew up in nurturing households, where women were treated with respect, we can only be thankful.

Domestic violence is a stain on the nation. We see it all the time--the TV show Cops, now cancelled, seemed to show at least one domestic violence visit an episode, and most cops will tell you that that is what they spend most of their time doing, and dreading, as when they show up to a house like this they don't know what to expect.

For Snyder, the key is prevention. She also points out things that would lessen the problem, such as guns--a large percentage of men who use guns to kill their partners say they wouldn't have done it without access to a gun, and the culture we live in: "There are other markers that worry me, too, especially those invisible ones. An uncomfortable misogyny creeping into areas that had, until now, seemed fully resolved to the idea of women’s equality. Congress, for example. The White House, with our current “grab ’em by the pussy” president, for another."