The Road Not Taken

I lay awake last night, wondering how my life could have turned out differently.

This is a dangerous thing to do, because inevitably anything I dream up is better than my current situation. I am a middle-aged bachelor without any romantic attachment, and I'm okay with that. It took a long time for me to understand that happiness does not necessarily mean following the typical marriage/children path. At this stage, it would seem highly unlikely that I will ever go that route, given that I have pretty much shut myself off from even attempting to date. Why would I get involved with someone who is only going to try to tell me what to do?

So while I tossed and turned last night, I wondered if I had done things differently, and been less of a rogue, could I have married and had children? It sounds nice in the abstract. Having a partner to share the rollercoaster ride of life would be nice. But then I realize, if I had done that I might be on my second divorce by now. If I had kids at the normal age men procreate, I would have teenagers right now. If they were girls, I would be out of my mind wondering what perverts they were meeting on MySpace, or shuddering as they walked out of the house in sweatpants that have the word "Juicy" scripted on the ass. If they were boys, I'd be worrying that they turn out like Duke lacrosse players. With both genders, I'd be mortified if they rebelled and became part of the Christian coalition.

So I'll take what I've got--freedom of sloth, and the ability to find precious solitude whenever I want it. What would have happened otherwise I'll leave to my imagination.