Three Way

You know a movie is in trouble when it doesn't quite know what its title is. The poster indicates it's called 3-Way, though in the opening credits its Three Way. Neither have any particular meaning, as it's based on a pulp novel called Wild to Possess.

In any event, this cheapie crime flick from 2004 is a standard, throwaway exercise in crawling through the mud. None of the characters are heroic, and none of them are intelligent. It's a little like watching The Three Stooges try to outwit each other, but without the laughs.

The director is Scott Ziehl, who must have thought he was directing a major contribution to cinema, with all the bells and whistles he has added. There are so many arty shots that one can't help but feel for him, a guy who is relegated to films like this one and Cruel Intentions 3 and Roadhouse 2, when he really wants to be making The Third Man.

The story concerns an ex-con (Dominic Purcell, tattooed and buff) who is living a quiet life as a sign-maker with his girlfriend, Joy Bryant. We get a prologue about his ex-wife (Roxana Zal, who I remember as a child actor, so it was a little weird seeing her naked) being killed. Purcell overhears the world's two stupidest would-be criminals (Desmond Harrington and Ali Larter) plan to kidnap Harrington's wife (Gina Gershon). Purcell plans to rip them off, but meanwhile a mysterious stranger (Dwight Yoakam, without his cowboy hat) shows up to ask about Purcell's dead wife.

None of this makes much sense, and there's nobody to root for. There aren't any twists to speak of (though Purcell, at one point, says, "No more twists!") and the film, in an incredible bit of generosity, lets Purcell off the hook, even if he is as dumb as a bag of hammers.

As cops usually say, "Nothing to see here, folks, move along."