Dear John

Well, my girlfriend's run of Nicholas Sparks movies hit a bump. Dear John, a 2010 film based on a Sparks novel and directed by the treacly Lasse Hallstrom, didn't make her cry, and she kind of shrugged when I asked her if she liked it. I don't need to shrug--it's no good.

Channing Tatum stars as a hunky Army Special Forces soldier on leave in his home town near Charleston. He's a surfer, so has no trouble diving in the water to save the purse of pretty co-ed Amanda Seyfried, who is so impressed she invites him to a barbecue. Here is the first problem with the movie--Tatum, other than being polite and built like Adonis, has no other qualities that would ignite Seyfried's interest. Maybe that's all it takes.

Tatum has a father, the great Richard Jenkins, who has trouble communicating with people and spends hours with his coin collection. Seyfried nails that he's got Asperger's Syndrome, which Tatum resents. We never really learn who Tatum's mother was, so it remains a mystery how a low-functioning man like Jenkins ever married or had a job.

After two weeks these kids are deep in love, but Tatum has to report back to duty. Then, since we know the film is set in 2001, comes 9/11. Tatum decides to re-up, which Seyfried, selfishly, gets angry about. They have exchanged numerous letters (Sparks is big on old-fashioned letter writing--I wonder if he knows that soldiers, even in Afghanistan, have email and can even use cell phones) but Seyfried stops writing. Finally, as the title bears out, Tatum, who plays a character named John, literally gets a Dear John letter.

Hallstrom layers the Sparks melodrama with a trowel. There are the requisite illnesses--autism, cancer, a stroke. The photography, as usual, is lit like a Hallmark Hall of Fame special, which essentially these films are, with just a bigger budget.

Tatum, who has shed his himbo status to become an interesting actor, shows no signs of talent here, and Seyfried is kind of annoying.

Even Sparks film fans, like my girlfriend, give Dear John a thumbs down.

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