The 91st Academy Awards: Spikeypoo Got Snake Bit

Like almost everything in America, last night's Oscar ceremony came down to race. For three hours during this fast-paced telecast, the Academy put on a spectacular show of diversity. Then, at the end, someone ruined the party with a loud, wet fart: Green Book won Best Picture.

At the heart of this was Spike Lee, who dominates every room he is in, it seems. In purple from head to toe (except for gold sneakers) he seemed to be channeling Prince, or auditioning for a role as The Joker. He shouted out back to presenters (he and Barbra Streisand had a lovely moment) and had Samuel L. Jackson give him the score of the Knicks game. He also won his very first competitive Oscar, for Best Adapted Screenplay for BlacKkKlansman (the film's only win). His speech, read rapidly as if he were double-parked, was a bit clumsily given but poignant, as he spoke of his grandmother, the daughter of a slave who graduated from college and called him "Spikeypoo." He paid tribute to the ancestors who built this country (including the White House), and then called on people to "do the right thing" and vote for "love and not hate" in the 2020 election. Without mentioning Donald Trump's name, the orange president lashed back, calling it a "racist attack on our president." Trump sees what he wants to see, and disregards the rest.

But then Spike, floating on cloud nine, had a great fall: Green Book won Best Picture. Reports are that he was so mad he tried to leave the theater. He said "the ref made a bad call," and, referring to how Driving Miss Daisy won in the year of Do the Right Thing (which, criminally, wasn't even nominated) he said, "I'm snake bit. Every time somebody's drivin' somebody, I lose."

And most people seem to agree with him. The Internet backlash was fierce, as the film was dubbed "Crash II" and people wondered how a celebration of diversity was ruined by awarding the top prize to a safe, corny film that suggests that racism would end if we just spend some time together. Peter Farrelly, who won two awards for the film, I submit to you that if David Duke drove Spike Lee the entire length of the Pan-American Highway, they would still not be friends.

I haven't read about anyone taking credit for this--who voted for it? And why didn't Roma win? Alfonso Cuaron won Best Director and Best Cinematography, and he seemed poised to win the first Best Picture that was not in English.  But then, like a person ready to bungee-jump stepping back out of cowardice, couldn't go through with it. The post-mortems (which are almost as fun to read as it is to watch the show) think it had to do with Netflix being the distributor of Roma, whose streaming service endangers movie theater's livelihood. But this anger is misplaced--Netflix actually creates jobs for almost everyone in that room, in all categories (two of the winning short films are from Netflix).

Whatever the reason, Roma fell just short. The most Oscars went to Bohemian Rhapsody, and at times the show felt like a tribute to Queen--they opened the show, which seemed to be designed to get everyone in the Dolby Theater pumped--and Brian May, with his glorious poof of gray hair, was given many reaction shots as four winners thanked him and his drummer, Roger Taylor. Since the ratings were up ten percent this year, maybe they should have a rock band open the show every year. Next year--a film about the Rolling Stones? Called Satisfaction?

But what a display of diversity before that last award! Two black women, Ruth E. Carter and Hannah Beachler, winning for Best Costume Design and Best Production Design, respectively, were only the second and third black non-performers who won Oscars (the first was Irena Cara, for writing the theme song of Flashdance, but she was a performer, really). We saw almost every ethnic group: black, Latinx, East Asian, East Indian, and Arabic. The makers of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, looked like a Benneton ad. A short film about menstruation in Mumbai won an Oscar. To use an over-used expression, it was a woke Oscars.

The other issue floating over this year's show was the logistics of the thing. There was no host, and it was hoped by the network to be under three hours. They came close, but back-loaded the commercials so it ran about 3:17. The lack of a host helped, as there was no opening monologue, and three very funny women (Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler) did hosting-lite. The awards moved along briskly, with only one pair of presenters doing a bit: Awkwafina and John Mulaney (next year's hosts? I also think Trevor Noah would be good). The audience wasn't fed last night, nor were they taken to fans or fans brought in to them. It was refreshing.

As for the other awards won, most of them were predictable, except for Best Actress, when more-than-due Glenn Close (who has the most nominations without a win of any living person) got passed over for Olivia Colman. There's been so much dissection of the Green Book win than I haven't read anyone suggesting how this happened--I had Colman running third. She was great as Queen Anne in The Favourite, but was really part of a trio of actresses with her co-stars Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone--how could they be separated? Can this be seen as anything bu a repudiation of Close? Is she really a horrible person or something?

Colman also gave a wonderfully British and batty speech, as she was probably sure she wouldn't have to give one. A lot of speeches were long, but only some were good. The winners of Best Makeup and Hair Design (for Vice) were astoundingly poorly rehearsed, but some were very heartfelt and well-spoken. Alfonso Cuaron made three speeches, thanking his two actresses every time, but managing to come up with new material--one wonders what he would have said had Roma won Best Picture.

The show also had one of the best performances on an Oscar show, ever, when Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga, without introduction, stepped up from their front row seats and sang "Shallow" (which later won Best Song), filmed from behind like the performances in A Star Is Born. I was gushy afterward, as was Gaga when she won. The more I see of her the bigger my crush gets. She just broke it off with her fiance, and is in a residency in my town, Las Vegas. Maybe I should wait by the stage door.

A few other firsts: Rami Malek becomes the first performer of Arabic descent to win an Oscar, Cuaron is the first person to win a directing and cinematography Oscar in the same year, and Black Panther's three wins made it the first Marvel film to win an Oscar (I was happy to see Stan Lee get mentioned in the In Memoriam segment, as he has influenced our culture as much or more than any other American in the post-war era).

Finally, just how short is Gary Oldman? Allison Janney dwarfed him. I know she's six-feet tall and was probably wearing heels, but he only came up to her shoulder.