Behold the Ladyflower of Britney Spears

I must admit to a fascination with Britney Spears. Ever since she burst on the scene as a teen pop idol as sixteen-year-old, I have lusted in my heart after this wide-eyed Louisiana girl. I can't tell you too much about her music--Oops, I Did It Again was a catchy number, but I can't name any of her other songs, but she perfectly captured the jailbait fantasies of perverts such as myself.

Now that she's in her mid-twenties and a mother of two, and she's musically irrelevant, she seems to exist only to provide a soap opera that is fully covered by the large and monstrous celebrity press. And she never seems to disappoint. Whether it's her diet of Red Bull and Cheetos, running into a gas station restroom barefoot, her dubious parenting skills, her constant chewing of gum, even while giving out an award on television, and her now two failed marriages, she's in that circle of people who make tabloid editors smile with satisfaction.

So when I saw that there were photos of Britney flashing her pudenda, I had to look. Now that she's single again she seems to have redoubled her efforts to be a scandal, and who better to associate with than Paris Hilton, the queen of tabloid escapades. The two were out on the town, and Britney conveniently lost her underwear. There are so many fakes of this sort, but this appears to be the genuine article, unless a wizard with Photoshop was able to work in the faint hint of razor stubble and a Caesarean scar.

Thank you, Britney, for being the trashy girl of my heart. Until your inevitable photo shoot for Playboy, I will treasure this moment.